Being seen

The more I do this job, the more I realise what is it that my costumers really want, underneath all the kinks and fetishes. They want to feel seen and loved through and with all of their imperfection. They want to be needed for their sexuality, even ‘used’ because of it. Its a form of tough love.

Of course, a session is a multi layered experience- there is the sexual stimulation and release, the excitement of not knowing what is about to happen, the tension of the interaction between us two, which are probably the main incentives why those men make an appointment with me.

Their desire brought them to me curious enough to try it. I know my job is to push boundaries, to challenge and stimulate. But at the most vulnerable moment, when they lie down underneath me having gone through some kind of an intense experience, it is my unconditional affection towards them that really creates magic.

Just the mere fact they have an appointment with me, gives them a rush for upcoming adventures.

However once we started playing, and the jittery first 10 minutes passed, after the first touching, stroking, a spank or two, and a series of soft whispers enticing them to open their body and mind to me, a feeling of trust and a surrender fills up the room and I can then give them what they truly want: to be seen, loved, and taken care of.

When they are in a room with me, tied up on a bondage bed with their legs spread open, and their piece in my hand, there is nothing left to hide or be ashamed of. I’ve seen it all, and with my words and body language I signal them that they are needed by me just the way they are. Their intimate parts get the attention that they crave, while the mind drifts in phantasy which allows the body to stay in flow. I alternate my attention between the genital area and the head and heart. After a series of strokes, spanks or penetration, I go and spend time whispering in their ear, putting my hands on their chest, my chest on their face. Whenever I do this I notice a release of love and softness coming from them, as they feel my attention and care.

Something about this dissonance between challenging them with intensity vs motherly care and love (breasts on their face) is very relaxing and pleasurable.

I like the first 10 or 20 minutes of the session to be in a standing position. The man is not yet relaxed, they have energy and excitement running through there body, and they are not sure yet if it was even a good idea to book this session. They might not be sure if to trust me or not. When they are standing with their hands tied to the ceiling I can walk around them and easily have access to all of their body.

Thats were the game is established. Because they are not tied down to anything, I can get a sense of their openness and body language. Do they move a lot? are they contracting or expanding with my touch? Do they eagerly stand with spread legs, or do the legs come slowly closer together? All this indicates their level of trust and openness towards me.

When they are standing in this way, I can come close and whisper in their ear, and hear very closely their breathing, which is a good indication of their state of arousal.

Then, after we have established our playground and they got to know my dominant persona, I usually lay them down on a bondage bed and continue with the activity we have agreed on, whether it be anal play, electro stimulation, or CBT. Then they can really relax and let go, after a sense of trust and love have been accomplished.

2 Comments

  1. Seen or even more, just… be. Describing how it felt from “the other side”, I can speak, of course, only for myself but maybe some of my words will resonate with others.

    Being free… but from what? and how?
    It seemed that freedom could not exist as we are all trapped in the reality of our worlds.
    I’m not sure how or why it began yet slowly I have come to accept what and who I am, gaze into myself, name my desires. Turns out naming a thing also makes it a reality, it materialize within you – a tiny black hole. Unnoticed at first, I felt it pulling on me as it grew. I was lost… and I was scarred.
    The tree outside was raining pink, the door opened and then there was you. I don’t remember all that was said, a lifetime seems to have passed you see, but a moment came that I looked into your eyes and suddenly knew that I was not lost – you will lead me to exactly where I needed to be. Letting go, you took me pass the event horizon of that black hole. At times I felt as if our minds touch. Being seen, unjudged, safe, I felt that burden go away. You have bounded me. And you have freed me.

    Some imagine the art you practice as being one of pain and darkness but they are wrong. Somewhere underneath the sky walks a man for whom you shine like a thousand suns.

    Like

    1. Dear M, thank you so much for taking the time to write such thoughtful words… I’m deeply moved to hear this resonance from you. I know what you mean about minds touching… A magical moment of harmony.
      Wishing you more and more fulfillment ❤️

      Like

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