I am thinking a lot about what does it take to create a good session atmosphere, where somebody can easily relax and get into play.
Of course, if I play in the Studio, there are candles, dimm lights, Soft sheets, music of my choosing. But sometimes I get called to a hotel, walking in with my suitcase on wheels full of toys, to a space that I’ve never seen before, maybe with full-blown daylight coming through the window, maybe with the tv still on (this actually happened a couple of times).
Its extremely challenging to stay in my presence and lead the way while there are so many distractions. To feel confident and dominant when Im not even sure how I can tie somebody up to the bed at all. To concentrate and create atmosphere when football is playing in the background.
This is where the ‘uniform’ of BDSM comes in very handy. For one, it boosts my confidence because I feel strong and beautiful. Its the leather corset, the boots, the cleavage, the red lips, hold on stockings and the complimentary crop, that inform my play partner that I’m in charge, through a collection of common symbols. Both my costumer and I react to these symbols and from there on theres a kind of momentum going.
To be honest, the men bring with them the most important ingredient: the willingness to participate. They are looking for any reason to let go and succumb to me, so their co-operation is the most important element. When I sense that somebody is becoming clay in my hands, it gives me more confidence which gives me the energy and excitement to move forward. It encourages me to trust in my intuition and creativity.
If I could give instructions to costumers on how to behave during the session I would convince them to really let go and enjoy, but mostly to express themselves with the sounds they make and body language. Sometimes men are not used to doing that and they soldier up, frozen in whatever position I tie them in, not flinching no matter what I do. This completely destroys the momentum of the session, no matter how much swing I gathered up before we start. Are they too ashamed to express themselves? Maybe its just another one of those masks of manliness.