All this talk about loving my job, being empathetic to costumers and giving them affection, all that fluffy stuff, some cynics could say- but you still charge a lot for this service, therefore it must not be real.
I guess the issue with money is a confusing one, and one of the reasons why a lot of people don’t know what to think about sex work. If your doing it for the money, then it must not be authentic, you must not really want it enough.
Its true that I would probably not hook up in private with most of my costumers, but it doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy them and their sexuality and be present with them during a session. In my private life, I am also looking for a reciprocative interaction, sexual or otherwise. If my girl friend only talks about herself, forcing me to listen to her troubles without any room for me to express myself, the friendship wouldn’t last long. I would just not feel the urge to hang out with her. If I go on a date and the guy just sticks his dick in my mouth and expects me to get off on that then I would not see him again. He does not understand how to give me the attention I need and only knows how to take. Its extremely simple actually.
So with my costumers the balance of giving and receiving is simply and directly taken care of in advance. I tell them my rate for one full hour of my complete attention to their desire. If they agree then we have made a very clear, direct deal that works for both of us. From this moment on, they do not need to give me anything else, and they can relax.
Sometimes guys who are new to being a sex buyer, are a little confused at first. Their hands automatically start doing the work of a sexual interaction. So I tie them up and notice the relief, they understand they actually are not required to prove themselves in any way.
Do you know the feeling when you agree on a massage exchange with someone, and you are the first to receive? Its really pleasurable, but the enjoyment is slightly overshadowed by the thought about how soon, very soon, you will have to get up from this comfortable position, and use all of your power to give the other person a massage thats as good as this. You start to doubt if you can even do it. What if you don’t know what they like? So now the laziness and the self doubt are disturbing your ability to enjoy.
But if you were given the same massage in a special space with music and candles and comfort, and the person is a professional that you don’t have to think of weather or not he is tired or weather they are really in the mood or not, then you can relax. His job is to give you a massage, you job is to enjoy the massage, thats all.
Its so clear to us when it comes to other services, but whenever we talk about sex it becomes confusing.
Lets think for a sec about the relationship between money and sex from a kink perspective.
Money is a symbol of power and control. But surprisingly it can be used in both directions.
We know the phenomenon of the ‘money Slave’. This is a real thing! Men that get turned on by the idea of being taken advantage of financially. They like it when a women just takes from them, without giving anything back. For them its a sign of being controlled, abused and they translate that into sexual feelings.
On the other hand a lot of people love the idea of being bought. A couple of sex workers I talked to have told me this turns them on, when they see themselves in the mirror with a much older guy, it reminds them he paid for it and the humiliation of that is what gives them more pleasure.
In sessions I sometimes play with the idea of making my play partner into a prostitute. Its such an old archetype with so many negative connotations, and is considered to be so dirty… that its a great trigger for turning somebody on.
In general whenever someone wants to pay my rate for my time, that symbolises their respect for me, my time and my craft. They give me the gift of trust, and show their appreciation by being generous with me. I can never take that for granted, and feel moved every time someone makes that gesture towards me. So of course I want to give back. They contribute to the beauty and abundance of my life by giving me more possibilities to invest in myself, and my gift to them is an experience that would satisfy them and stay in their inner hidden playground as a souvenir.