What actually happens during a session?

For those curious about how a session more or less develops, here is a description of my most common customer, and what I would usually do with them. A big percentage of my new costumers are newbies or not very experienced, so I’m extra slow and attentive to their body language.

Just to give you a little background, first I will describe the 4 different categories of customers, the way I see it.

Actually, its more accurate to say these are 4 types of needs/fantasies. Almost everybody is a mix of two or more of those. I separate them into categories because it helps me to understand their basic need in order to trigger them correctly and get them excited. If I misunderstand their need I might do something that throws them off and they loose trust, close off their body or mind.

There are 2 MIND types (needing a fantasy for excitement) and 2 BODY types (needing a physical sensation for excitement)

1. The slave-

This type wants to serve his mistress. They’re the ones that love to kiss boots, be lead by a leash, speak politely and say yes Mistress as much as possible. They willingly want to serve and adore the lady, and are happy to be punished as a part of their education (If they are also type #2, it can be a painful punishment)

The important thing to remember is that these types usually submit themselves willingly or semi-willingly. They have a kind of pride in doing a good job and serving their lady. Sometimes they are tied up, but still they are there because they want to, it is just who they are.

This type is a MIND type

2. The Masochist-

This Type simply likes the sensation of pain. Some like dull pain, some sharp pain. The classic Masochist is not at all submissive, but likes to play at eye level and chat in a friendly way or decide together with me about what we will do next and how. (For example, my 80 year old costumer is a pretty classic Masochist)

This is a BODY type

3. The victim-

This person likes to feel used. They need the drama of being taken sexually, and a part of their turn-on is the fact they don’t want it at all. The humiliation and helplessness is what does it for them! It can be very pronounced, in a complicated role play scenario, or can be subtle, by tying up in some exposing positions or dirty talk.

This again is a MIND type.

4. The erotic-indulger

This person likes body contact, a seductive play partner and (among other things) ‘normal’ sexual activities. They are very sensual and sensitive, and also curious and have a broad spectrum of sensations they enjoy. Its not so much about the role play or mind games. They love to be tied up, and many of the usual elements and toys come in play in their sessions, but usually its a more friendly erotic atmosphere. They just enjoy the interaction, and indulge in those things they can not do at home (which is why they visit the studio)

This is a BODY type.

Mostly everybody is a mix of two or more of these types.

The ‘classic’, cliche costumer which we all know from films and pictures, wearing a leather harness and mask is probably a mix of the first two types.

My standard guest would be number 4, spiced up with any one of the other types.

My standard costumer writes me to say- ‘I have just a little bit of experience in this field, or non at all.

I saw your profile and felt like you are just what I need. An intelligent, sensitive lady who does not scream or demand too much of me. I do not want to crawl on the floor or lick boots!

I want to try some Anal play/sensation play/orgasm control/just generally being tied up and see how it feels. You look like someone I could trust. I want to explore my limits and find new sensations.

When he arrives in the studio, I take him into the room and bring him a cup of coffee or sparkling water. If he is very tense I warm up the atmosphere by starting a little small talk, so he knows Im human, friendly and not completely crazy. The next thing I’m gonna ask him is to tell me his biggest shameful fantasy, which he probably never told anybody else in his entire life. He has spent hours sometimes in this world of fantasy in his head, and for those who have never visited a professional or engaged in kink, its quite hard to say the words out loud.

We talk very shortly about what he is interested in trying.

I ask the right questions to categories him into my 4 different types of submissive, that makes it easier.

Then there are technical questions- Do you enjoy nipple stimulation? Anal play? Any Taboos (things to absolutely avoid)? Should I be careful about leaving marks?

I tell him he can always stop the session and let me know if something is uncomfortable or he has a special request. Then he takes off most of his cloths and goes to the shower.

While he is showering I collect all the equipment I need and think roughly about the procession of the session.

Lets say this costumer is a first time visitor with me. In that case I don’t need to prepare any big and complicated hanging or bondage devices. I just bring my favourite toys which almost everybody likes.

The Milking machine, the electricity device. Or I just decide to use the many toys that are already in the room, since each one of the spaces in Lux Studio has all the clamps and dildos and whips I need and beyond.

The more inexperienced the costumer is, the less I need to prepare. I just go with the flow, allowing my intuition and his body language to hint in which direction to go next.

So my guest is out of the shower, and I pick him up to make sure the hall is empty (we keep it discreet). Before, I was being more myself, natural and friendly. Now I have transformed and have taken on a role, whichever suits our theme for the session the most. I might become ‘The bitch that knows what she wants’, ‘the mean girl’ or ‘the flirtatious seductive lady’. I calculate every step during these first moments, because these are the most beautiful impactful moments probably of the entire session. This is when he is most nervous and excited. But still I have to earn his trust.

To do that I take him to the middle of the room and tie his hands to the ceiling. He can watch both of us in two mirrors on two sides of the room. This position is perfect, because his entire body is more or less accessible, I can walk around him, spank and grab whatever I want, or walk away to get a toy if I’m so inspired. He can see me no matter where I go in the room.

But most importantly, in this position we are at eye level. I look him in the eyes and start touching him softly, slowly. I whisper in his ear and then look him in the eyes again. He is very sensitive at this moment and alert, so I take my time and ’milk’ this moment as much as possible. I do the same from the back, pressing my body just a little bit to his. Then more whispering, then some very soft nails across the body. This makes people go crazy! I try to avoid touching the genitals as long as possible… sometimes I leave their underwear on for the first few minutes, until I myself cannot stand it any longer.

I might grab a little paddle or crop whip, and spank him very lightly just to get the circulation going. Its not about causing pain at that moment. I usually laugh a lot and flirt, maybe tease him somehow.

I might cover their eyes, which is a useful tactic for bringing them more into the body, enhancing their sense of touch. But I only do this after I feel trust have been established.

This beginning ritual is so useful for establishing trust as well as me getting to know the person in front of me. Are they very reactive? Do they show their arousal or are they quiet? In this position I can always listen to their breath closely which tells me about their state.

Some people, for example, think they are submissive, but it turns out they much prefer to play at eye-level, otherwise its too weird or embarrassing for them. Its useful for me to get to know someone better, get a sense, before I tie them up or put them in a complicated position that doesn’t fit them.

So this first part goes on for about 20 or 30 Minutes. Then the main dish is served! For the ‘standard’ costumer that I describe here it would usually be on the bed. I tie him up with normal cuffs in spread eagle pose, or if he likes anal his legs would be hanging on straps from the ceiling. Its quite comfortable so he can relax. Theres a mirror on the ceiling so he can see everything.

My standard Costumer usually would like to try some anal play. So I sit between his legs and with a ton of oil start to massage the entire area, including the balls, dick and ass, and inside legs etc.

You know how they say a woman has 1000 erogenous zones and a man only has one? NOT AT ALL TRUE! They are just as sensitive on the neck, nipples, inner thighs and everywhere.

Anyway I slowly focus more and more on the ass and really take my time while stimulating the penis because people get scared that I might hurt them. Its a long ritual before actually penetrate with my finger.

I do that for a while until they almost climax and then I take a break and visit their head on the other side of the bed. Its important to come closer now, to keep the intimacy and contact. If they are very emotional I spend more time there, lovingly cuddling their head and looking in their eyes.

At this moment you would think I’m their girlfriend according to my body language…

Sometimes I feel like they want me to be a mother. They want to become helpless babies, just for that moment. I put my breasts on their face, almost smothering them. This triggers sighs and moans of happiness every time. Is it because men are obsessed with breasts? Maybe, but I feel the action is symbolic. I am both caring for them and placing their face close to my heart, and at the same time showing my power and domination over them by covering their face with my body.

This is the essence of what I do, really. The fine line between giving love and taking sex.

Between caring and challenging. Between accepting unconditionally and pushing boundaries.

So my job is constantly to sense what is the next move. How far can I push? When is it time for a break?

The last 20 minutes of our session is usually spent with Orgasm control, which is so much fun that I sometimes do it for an entire hour (see my blog post ‘Mistress of three machines’).

This means I bring them close to orgasm until they declare they are about to come. Then I stop just in time, wait for a few seconds, and keep going. Ideally this will be done in combination with Anal, because I can sense by the prostate whats their state. Just before someone comes their prostate becomes huge! However it does make things more difficult, and I have unfortunately many times caused my poor costumers a ruined orgasm (their body comes, but the sensation of orgasm is very weak). Usually I can repair the situation if I continue stimulation straight away without pause. Most people can come again soon after.

If I manage to stimulate both their prostate and penis at the same time until orgasm, most guests report an incredible orgasm like theyve never felt before. They say it went through their entire body. I imagine it might be similar to experiencing a g-spot and clitoral orgasm at the same time as a woman…

After they come they are usually far away in subspace land. I lay beside them. It takes a few minutes sometimes, until they are back in the room. I untie them rather quickly or remove any clamps or rope, because after the orgasm everything is sore and miraculously those clamps that felt so wonderful a second ago are now not fun at all.

When their back to life I send them to have a shower and after that we chat some more about how it was. I hug them goodbye and send them to go on with their day. Most people (especially beginners) keep the rest of the day free, so they can enjoy the strange release they are feeling…. They look like they just spend a few hours in the sauna. Exhausted and satisfied.


  1. So many questions questions come to mind reading this, I’m really happy you are writing this blog!

    The division to categories is interesting – would you say these types are limited to sexual preferences or is it something that reflects in a ones general personality? (that is to say, are people that prefer X have some general similar traits/behavior or do they have wildly different personalities and just happen to have similar fantasies?)

    How did you come to this “procedure” you describe? Planning beforehand? Intuition? trial and error? (or is there a dominatrix “bootcamp” where you go through drills ;)) did it always went smoothly for you?
    Does it sometimes happen that you meet someone you just can’t seem to reach no matters what you try? Can you tell someone will be “difficult” just from the initial mail?

    And lastly – building trust and really letting go requires a level of intimacy that usually takes a long time to develop (at least for me) yet in your sessions you are able to get to this point extremely fast, how do you explain that? And from your side, isn’t it a little strange to suddenly relate to someone you just met at this level (of course that is part of being profesional but still…)?

    I guess I’m just curios about the emotional/psychological aspects 🙂


    1. Good questions!!

      the categories are just a tool to help me map the different elements in a persons desire, so I understand where their coming from. I use it very loosely, but its an interesting way to see the different kinks from another perspective, so I wanted to share.
      Its very hard to say if this tells anything about a persons personality in general…. I think its probably quite complex and not so straight forward.

      I never really learned to be a pro-domme, was just thrown into the deep water so to speak 🙂 Simply by working a lot I developed some kind of a system that usually gives good results. It happened completely intuitively, and only by writing it down I realised theres a logic to the way I do things, and a reason why it works.

      I think at the base of it all is simply empathy to the other person and complete acceptance of their desire and phantasy. This creates a mutual base of respect and people can open up to each other! all other techniques are easy to learn, but without non judgmental empathy there could not be real intimacy.


      1. Empathy and intuition goes a long way it seems… learning there is no secret “Hogwarts for aspiring dommes” (“in today’s lesson we will learn how to avoid slipping on an oily floor while wearing high heels…”) is mildly disappointing though :p


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